What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas‚Äîbut when you live here, you’re stuck cleaning up after all the other people who treat the city like a toilet.
Everyone Is Drunk
Vegas is a 24-hour liquor town. I’ve been wasted before 9 AM too many times to remember. There are so few restrictions regarding alcohol consumption in Nevada that being drunk in public is basically a way of life.
Most of my friends were problem drinkers by the time they turned 18, myself included. I would give a lot of rides during high school‚Äînot because I was being nice, but because so many of my friends lost their licenses by almost killing themselves or someone else while operating a vehicle under the influence. Las Vegas’ roads are filled with drunk drivers. The light poles on certain valley streets are bent or knocked down every few miles like matchbook prongs. These are large physical reminders that drinking plus driving equals bad.
But never fear, dears. This place has just as many ambulance-chasing lawyers as it does drunk teenagers. In a wreck? Need a check? Call up your ‘roided out ex-sports star of choice. There are plenty who live here and own law offices that specialize in suing the living shit out of people.
Women Dress Terribly
Grown ass women of Las Vegas look like wanna-be Kim Kardashian duplicates most of the time. When they aren’t singlehandedly supporting the spray tan industry, ladies of Vegas like to impersonate overweight Bettie Page. No one looks normal. How do men respond to these idealized versions of sexpots? As it happens, not very well. In 2011, Nevada had the highest rate of domestic violence murders by men against women in all of the US.
This attitude drips down to a street level. Catcalling happens everywhere, but there is a huge difference between leering and hollering like a heina. Every dude who comes here seems to think it’s okay to act like a royal douche to everyone he encounters, women especially. More than once, I’ve been asked, “Oh, you’re from Las Vegas? Were you on a stripper scholarship?” Because so many girls living in this shitty excuse of a city actually strip to pay tuition. As a kid, I remember driving past billboards featuring vacant-eyed, bobble-headed women with advertising copy that read: “OUR GIRLS DO IT ALL” and “LOOSEST SLOTS AND SLUTS IN TOWN.”
As you can imagine, dating is a nightmare. I recently moved back home after a stint in NYC, and my pool of options shrank considerably. It’s a major dumpster-diving-for-dick situation for all the straight ladies. Please send help.
What Happens in Vegas Stays In Vegas
Whether it’s for a bachelor party or some kid’s 21st birthday, everyone comes here to lose their inhibitions and go fucking crazy. It’s called Sin City for a reason. People often forget that there are still laws here, like this asshole who beheaded a guinea fowl at the Flamingo’s Wildlife Habitat for sheer amusement. As the saying goes, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas‚Äîbut when you live here, you’re stuck cleaning up after all the other people who treat the city like a toilet.
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